One Dream Away from Paradise (Chasing The Carrot)

I used to spend a great deal of my life chasing a dangling carrot that I was sure would bring me all the joy and happiness I wished for. I would have sworn to every god in heaven that I was but an inch or two from realizing every desire within me...when in reality I was a million miles away from that friggin' carrot. Regardless of that elusive carrot, I have been lucky...even blessed at times, and I would not trade the experiences and memories of my life with anyone on earth, past or present. The problem was that I was young and had a lot to learn and every success made me want more than what I had. I guess you could say I was a greedy little runt, but back then I knew nothing about the Tao or Wu Wei and all that other stuff. Please allow me to take a little stroll down memory lane.

By the age of 20 I was a seasoned and professional gambler. Every day I was working very hard at handicapping sporting events and I was talking and exchanging information with some of the biggest gamblers in America. Most were two, three, and four times my age but they all gave me their respect and I gave them mine. I took my work very seriously and as I look back, it was this phase of my life that allowed me to understand the numerical aspects of Chinese metaphysics and allowed me to penetrate it at a deep level. I talk about this in my soon to be published book. Anyways, in my 20's I was hopping around the gambling community and traversing back and forth to Las Vegas. I had it made as a kid and was living a life that all my buddies dreamed about. I was always able to make friends with the 'big-shots'...I don't even know how but I was able to talk with people that others couldn't get close to. A lot of people became jealous and there have been some rather 'hairy' situations in my youth, but I survived unscathed and healthy. Some of the stories seemed to come straight from a Damon Runyon book. I used to spend a lot of time at the horse track and the poker tables, and played a lot of Blackjack. It was the numerical aspect that I was attracted to and I knew that numbers revealed the real truth of the world and I understand them even more intimately today. I was absolutely consumed with numbers and what they could reveal to one who took the time to understand them. I became so proficient at understanding numbers that many gamblers approached me to work for them. I have always been independent and I would always turn them down because I didn't want to be put in a position of responsibility. Some of these guys were making six figure wagers and even though I wouldn't be accountable for any loses, I just didn't feel comfortable about it, so I would humbly turn them down and kept mostly to myself.

Then when I was 23 years old He walked into my life. Vince was definitely a high-roller as they called them. He won and lost more money in a day than most people make in five years. At one time he was a legend and was known in gambling circles everywhere. I used to read about him in the newspapers as a kid and saw him on t.v. He was the "Cream Of The Crop". One of my wishes was to one day meet him in person. He eventually heard about me through the other gamblers in town. I will never in my life forget the night he called and asked if I would like to meet him for dinner at a local restaurant. At dinner he invited me to his house and at that point I felt like I hit the lottery. I was on cloud nine and to be honest, I remained on that cloud for the next two and a half decades until the day he passed away. We became the best and closest of friends and he filled a huge gap that was missing in my life. He actually filled many gaps, but the specific one I'm talking about is the missing father gap. I lost my dad when I was 15 and he was as close as a father to me, and many times...even closer. He was 20 years older than me but we saw things on the same level and were not hindered by generation gaps ... or whatever they call them. Some of the best days of my life were the ones spent on lazy evenings on his patio talking about anything and everything. Although he was not involved in metaphysics per se, Vince was definitely a Master, there was never any doubt in my mind about that. I had the utmost loyalty and respect for him. When I think of him these days, I still roam in the cloud-nine regions. He has had a tremendous amount of influence in my life and there isn't any way to describe how much I miss him. These days I only see him in dreams and I keep detailed descriptions of them in my journal and one day I will put all the dream pieces together to figure out the messages he's sending, because he is definitely trying to convey something. Vince is the only person on this planet who has never judged me in any way. He has taken and accepted me for who I truly am and has helped me any time I ever asked whether he felt I was right, wrong, or indifferent. He never asked "why"...he never asked "how come'...he never wanted an explanation, if I needed help he would help, it was as simple as that. I was never once denied and I never denied him. If that ain't love...I don't know what is.

Now I'm in my late 40's and I see life and reality much different than before. I am completely out of the gambling business. Today I am on a different path. I am no longer delusioned by the fallacies of gods, demons, heavens, and hells. I no longer believe that paradise is a short dream away. I now know that paradise is anywhere and everywhere I want it to be and I can experience it whenever I wish. I don't have to chase anymore and I don't have to worry about an unreachable or unattainable carrot. I am now interested in the messages of Fu Xi and Lao Zi rather than Amarillo Slim and Jimmy The Greek. My, how the times have changed. I spend my time these days in solitude and meditation and get a great deal of joy working on charts and studying Chinese metaphysics at the deepest level I can handle. My social ambition has all but vanished and I am content with a simple life. I haven't been on a plane or to Las Vegas in 20 years, I haven't had a formal dinner in a restaurant in over 10 years, and I haven't watched television or read a newspaper since 1996. I like to walk in parks, meditate, and study. It has all been a drastic change and the people who knew me in my youth would probably not believe these words...but then, I have been misunderstood most of my life. Luckily I don't have to worry about that because I stopped explaining myself and my views a long time ago. The transition from gambling to Chinese metaphysics was certainly my destiny and I now understand the intricate meanings very well...and as I mentioned earlier I wrote about this in my book, "The Luo Shu Oracle". I have met as many people in the field of metaphysics as I did in the field of gambling as a youth. I owe a debt of gratitude to every person I have met because if not for all of them, my life would be that much less complete. I would like to thank all my friends, acquaintances, associates, comrades, and not so friendly folks who have wandered into my life. I don't have any enemies, but if anyone believes they are my enemy, I would also like to thank you too for playing a role in my life.

I feel I have much to be thankful for. Most of all, I would like to thank Kelly...that incredibly beautiful soul who has allowed me to deeply understand how silly I was and how much time I wasted in chasing that carrot. Everyone has their own story or destiny to contemplate and understand and I am no different. Some do it through symbols, others through dreams, omens, or meditations. I see one of the symbols in my life as a baton and it is an important symbol. In relay races, batons are passed from one runner to the other to transform the race into a smooth flow. A great transformation period in my life was the year that Vince passed away and Kelly appeared. It was as if Vince passed the baton to Kelly in a smooth transition...not a single step was missed. I know this to be true because I see both their fingerprints on the baton of my life. I understand the deeper implications involved. Vince left the world less than 2 months after Kelly entered my life. There is no doubt that Vince waited for her to appear before he said goodbye. He always looked after me and he wanted to make sure I was ok before he left. I am certain of this through dreams and even through physical circumstances. Ironically, Vince and Kelly lived in the same neighborhood and only one street separated them, though they never knew of each other. On the precise day I met Kelly, Vince passed away the exact number of days as the first half of her address (representing the first part of my life). Also, when I add the sum of the digits in her address it is the exact number of years I was on earth when I met Vince. In addition, the address to the location where I resided when Kelly first knocked on my door is also the same number of days it took for Vince to leave the physical world from the exact moment of the knock. There is much more to it, but my point is that it is all so obvious and it is all contained in the numerical aspects of my perceptions. It's all in the numbers. I have always believed that anything can be uncovered or discovered through numbers...from the simple to the mystical. My greatest wish was for Vince and Kelly, the two great giants in my life to have met, but that didn't happen in the tangible realm. But I don't worry too much about that because I am a dreamer and a dreamer can make anything happen. Shao Yung spoke much about initiation and completion, the two main aspects in any form or reality. Kelly completed what Vince initiated...Shao Yung would be proud. Thank you Vince...Thank you Kelly I owe you both more than you will ever know.